Rachael Leigh Cook - A Fair and Honest Appraisal by Gill Bumby

Each week our mysterious featured writer, Gill Bumby, provides You, our fair reader, with a "Fair and Honest" appraisal of a public figure. This week we present...

"DUDE!!! Where the HELL have you been? No one has heard a peep from you in YEARS now. Everyone has been calling/emailing/texting you since 2003 trying to get you to hang out, grab a drink, kick it, whatever....but no one ever gets a response every time they try. I know you settled down and got married and what not, but seriously, even married people hang out SOMETIMES. One thing about your low profile that we can all give you props on is not ending up on the cover of trashy tabloids with pictures of your privates hanging out when you exit fancy stretch limos like some of your contemporaries have done in recent years. Good work in that department. You look like you've gotten a little thicker since your 'She's All That' days, but you're wearing it well and the long wavy hair looks GREAT. It's worlds better than some of the cropped styles that you've tried in the past.

I know married life can be hectic, but people miss you and would love to hear how you're doin these days. Even just a text or myspace message will do. Cummon, don't be a stranger..."

Overall rating... 9.1

** WHO IS the mysterious and wise Gill Bumby ?! and WHAT is a "Fair and Honest Appraisal' ?! Find more info HERE

Rachael Leigh Cook - IMDB, Wikipedia, and Myspace

Gill Bumby Myspace

Hillary Clinton - A Fair and Honest Appraisal by Gill Bumby

Each week our mysterious featured writer, Gill Bumby, provides You, our fair reader, with a "Fair and Honest" appraisal of a public figure. This week we present...

"You give off the impression of being an early riser. You probably wake up at 6:30a every single morning with an exceedingly chipper demeanor and belt out songs that contain lyrics such as 'doodley doo' to the chagrin and dismay of most people around you. After the ritualistic sing-songing i bet its on to your morning pep talk to yourself. Similar to Annette Benning at the beginning of American Beauty who would assure herself with the phrase 'I will sell this house today', your pep talk is probably more along the lines of, 'I will CRUSH Obama today.'
I understand that it is of utmost importance for a potential world leader to give off an air of power and respectability, but the pure androgynous nature of your hairdo is far from flattering. I'm sorry, but I feel that some of your former long-ish styles of yesteryear from your days as the first lady in the White House were far more flattering to your face. All of that aside, you do come off as articulate and I would much rather see you in the oval office than any two-bit cowboy any day of the week."

Overall Rating...7.9

** WHO IS the mysterious and wise Gill Bumby ?! and WHAT is a "Fair and Honest Appraisal' ?! Find more info HERE

Hillary Clinton is forgetful video (ie Bosnia fiasco)
Hillary Clinton Wikipedia Entry

Gill Bumby Myspace

Ashley Youmans (aka Ashley Alexandra Dupré)- "A Fair and Honest Appraisal" by Gill Bumby

Each week our mysterious featured writer, Gill Bumby, provides You, our fair reader, with a "Fair and Honest" appraisal of a public figure. This week we present...

"You seem very adept at making lemonade when life hands you a pile of lemons. You're very attractive in a natural and non-contrived sort of way that makes people like you and want to be liked by you, regardless of your personal lifestyle choices. You radiate an intrinsic friendliness that I think has a lot to do with how you've successfully turned a huge media fiasco, that would ordinarily drag a normal person through the mud, on it's head and made it work in your favor.

You have really nice, full lips and good, high cheek bones. Your forehead is a little on the big side, though. You might wanna consider getting bangs the next time you get a haircut."

Overall rating...9.0

** WHO IS the mysterious and wise Gill Bumby ?! and WHAT is a "Fair and Honest Appraisal' ?! Find more info HERE

Ashley Alexandra Dupré's Wikipedia Entry
The latest Ashley Alexandra Dupré and Eliot Spitzer news.

Gill Bumby Myspace

Chan Marshall aka Cat Power- "A Fair and Honest Appraisal" by Gill Bumby

Each week our mysterious featured writer, Gill Bumby, provides You, our fair reader, with a "Fair and Honest" appraisal of a public figure. This week we present...

"'Lived in bars...danced on tables...'

I conferred with a friend before starting this appraisal and we both agreed that I would have to really extend myself if I wanted to find anything about you to pick on in this picture. Anyone that can turn a Chanel dress inside out with a body that's almost cartoonishly perfect and even make a piece of vintage furniture look sultry and seductive, deserves to start and stop a few songs here and there in the middle of her shows. You could have picked some more flattering jewelry, and possibly a different hair style. That bracelet and those bangs look a little affected to me, but I'm not trying to get caught up in the minutia of things. The bigger picture is stunning. I hear things are going well for you these days, and it shows. Here's to another great year, Chan.

*Sidenote: Please stop making records of cover songs. They really pale in comparison to your own jams."

Overall Rating...9.4


** WHO IS the mysterious and wise Gill Bumby ?! and WHAT is a "Fair and Honest Appraisal' ?! Find more info HERE

Cat Power Official Site
Cat Power Wikipedia Entry

Gill Bumby Myspace

Barack Obama - "A Fair and Honest Appraisal" by Gill Bumby

Each week our mysterious featured writer, Gill Bumby, provides You, our fair reader, with a "Fair and Honest" appraisal of a public figure. This week we present...

"You have a good, strong, angular jaw line that says to the American people, 'I am a man with strong moral convictions that is serious about instigating change and not allowing this great country to sink any further into the abysmal shit hole in which we are currently engulfed.'

Your teeth are exceptionally white and straight, which means that you probably have good oral hygiene habits and take great pride in brushing your teeth at least twice a day, flossing at least once a day, and using a fluoride mouthwash to get rid of any excess plaque, gingivitis, or tartar build up. I do think that your tie is a bit too tight, which unfortunately makes you look like a dork. You could probably stand to loosen that shit up a notch or two and give yourself some room to breathe. You might also want to consider gaining about 10 pounds of muscle. I mean, don’t get me wrong. You look like you’re in great shape and all. It would just be reassuring to know that you would be able to throw down and beat someone’s ass if a situation ever became totally ill. You know what I mean?"

Overall Rating….8.7

** WHO IS the mysterious and wise Gill Bumby ?! and WHAT is a "Fair and Honest Appraisal' ?! Find more info HERE

Barack Obama Official Site
Barack Obama Wikipedia Entry
annnd, the infamous Obama Girl

Gill Bumby Myspace

Fair & Honest Appraisals by Gill Bumby

Gill Bumby, a strange and wise fellow whom the FoundTrack recently befriended has been selling “fair and honest appraisals” of strangers’ appearances since 2006. Rocking an identity protecting mask, he sets up his typewriter at various street locations, events, and parties and proceeds to evaluate you with pure honesty. That said, his writings are never harsh nor are they intended to be- for the most part they turn out to be funny and almost psychic. For more info, checkout this feature on him from Time Out Magazine.

Starting next Wednesday, Gill will be contributing a weekly "Fair and Honest Appraisal" feature on this here blog. The subject could range from a politician, to a celebrity, to whatever the hell he feels like appraising that week.

Mr. Bumby was nice enough to fly out to LA from his home in NY and appraise the lovely party-goers at our recent FoundTrack February Fiesta. Here are a few festive examples: